Conquering Fear as my Mindkiller


Okay. So I’m terrified of some things and I have plenty excuses that keep me here. I’ve spent enough time sleeping, watching netflix, and playing with my cat (arsenal of procrastination tools) in order to hide from my fears. Yet, the only way to get out of fear is to do the things that I’m scared of, so that they aren’t so terrifying anymore.


Batman, scared of bats, becomes a bat. Maybe the fear never *really* goes away, but the way we handle it should and can improve.


What if I’m writing terribly, am I too emo?’ Even right now, I’m scared to publish this post. Something I often forget: We can always improve anything at any point in time. No art is ever truly finished.

‘What if they don’t like the art I make?’ Its not about them, its about me and the things that I love. Like is subjective. Who wants to make a lifetime of things they don’t like? Not this girl. Its not about being prideful, it’s about self exploration. Finding that nitch that I love. If they see things that could improve the quality of work,  that’s more than awesome and I can learn from those things.

‘What if I can’t figure it out, what if I fail?’ You’ll never know until you try at least once. But really once typically isn’t enough. If you’ve got an idea work it till it works. While patience is not my greatest virtue and I tend to want a drawing to magically appear on the page, some of the best works take time. There is always a way to figure it out. Don’t give up. Take breaks, but don’t give up. Persistence and practice is key. If you can’t find it on google, is there a place you can go? someone you can talk to? Lifelines! Many of us digital artists tend to forget that there is indeed an entire world out there to discover.

‘But…I’m not inspired, or motivated…’ Yeah, I know. Most of the time, me neither. You have to find your inspiration, inspiration doesn’t just find you. Motivation is found by moving… get moving!  Start working! Find your flow and that will keep you going. What keeps me going is wanting to be better at what I do and finding resources that inspire me do that.

Some things I am terrified to do, but am going to do anyways:

  • Be Open. Vulnerable. Terrified. Likely, Making mistakes. Owning up to those mistakes.
  • Write more on this blog, even if I think it’s scary to share my thoughts.
  • Draw funny doodles for this blog that are in regards to my thoughts…like batman.
  • Learn to create/sculpt “Ornamental objects” in 3D and converting them to usable normal maps for games. (starting with this tutorial from scott homer)
  • I’m Learning to play guitar. I already know 3 chords and how to play “What a Wonderful World!” I’m not scared of learning to play guitar, it’s a new and exciting experience. The way making art should be too, not scary, but enjoying the adventure!
  • Make an environment scene in a game engine… Its going to be the first one I create in a long time. I’ve no choice now. Its a final for a class i’m taking. The confidence and knowledge I gain here will make the next scary environment a bit easier.
  • Get wayyy better at texturing and displaying 3d art materials by finding videos, tutorials, how-tos, and what-have-yous! My 3D work suffers from a viral disease called ‘there’s only one kind of material in this world‘ syndrome. The medication: study material/texture types to create each of them with their intricate details and yummy characteristics.
  • Learn Cryengine/up my knowledge of UE4, Learn 3ds Max. I’ve always loved unreal. I’ll beat you up at anytime :)
  • Document Asset Processes, for my own record keeping, and for sharing with others so that they might be less fearful of a process too!
    (here’s the first one!) (and the second!)
  • Apply for 3D Art jobs… you know… when my portfolio is sparkling in the next few months. It’s got an update, but needs quality 3D work.

Some people and things to note that I currently love/inspire me to keep working:

  • Abby Ryan! Her paintings inspire me to keep working. She’s known for a painting a day (hence my 365 dream) as well as being a good teacher.
  • Seth Godin! Best lesson: Fear means you’re getting out of your shell.. doing something out of your comfort zone. If you haven’t read his book, Linchpin, check it out. It addresses fear and standing out for yourself as an independent artist.
  • Dune: “Fear is the Mindkiller!” …and it really is. Its what makes my brain say, you need to go do the dishes instead of doing artwork. Its physically exhausting and makes me sleep.
  • Shaddy Saddafi: His lessons are valuable and entertaining. He speaks honestly in the way that he thinks, which makes his lessons about art making a lot less scary.
  • Renee Nejo: This awesome 3D artist is helping me through some 3D art stuff. Thanks Renee! <3
  • Jason Stokes: I love this video discussing the process of material and texture planning to create a 3D environment based on concept art.

If you’re still here reading this, Would you please post a comment and impulsively write the first thing that comes to mind? Thanks!

<3 EJ


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